Cheesedesal.

I love Julie's Cheesedesal. This sweet, fake-cheese covered pan de sal completes my breakfast, lunch, and dinner. In fact, I can proudly say that I can go on weeks or maybe even months of only eating cheesedesal. I want to bring it as my baon even in school.

Sadly, Mommy does not buy cheesedesal everyday. She buys other snacks like Oheya (which she loves), Dingdong, Boy Bawang (Chili Cheese rocks!) and other types. Sometimes I complain and ask for cheesedesal but she'll just turn her head and tell me, "Then go buy it yourself." and I'll just sulk in a corner because I'm too lazy to go out and buy it, so I'll just try the other snacks at home. :P

But the great thing about it is that, whenever she does buy cheesedesal, it's always a bestseller. It's gone in a matter of minutes especially when I'm feeling really hungry. And in those moments, all the desserts in the world cannot compare to the cheesedesal.

I guess that's why God doesn't want me to have the same friends around me all the time. He wants me to explore other types of people, to learn new things about them and discover their good qualities (and bad qualities... I guess).

Just imagine, if I had cheesedesal everyday of my life. I'd probably be malnourished by now and hate it at one point in my life. I'd probably despise it's taste, it's smell and other properties because I've been having it for so long. Variation wouldn't be a bad thing.

I guess it's the same with friends. They may not always be right beside you all the time, but rest assured that when you meet again. You'd feel safe, secure, happy and all that chuvaness (as my gay cousin would probably word it :P).

It will be worth the wait. :)

P.S. God is good! :)

Gone.

I was walking down the street this afternoon, just about to go home - when it suddenly hit me. It's really happening. My friends are graduating and I am going to be left here in UP, all alone. Ivy and Nikki are Octoberians, the others just finished their board exams and this is Phin's last sem.

Gosh... it really makes one's heart feel so heavy. Just thinking about all the good times we used to share while in school. All the lunches and group study we had together. The bad things we went through.

I have to say it again. It's really happening. I'm going to be all alone in UP next year.

I feel so helpless because its my fault that this is happening to me. How many times have I wished to turn back the time and do things differently? To make things right? That way I'll be able to graduate WITH them.

Well, it's only one year, right? Wrong! It's going to be one LONG year. There will be times when I'll have no classes because of holidays and such, but they're going to have jobs. They won't be free like they used to when they were still students. I doubt they'll be free for overnights-just-for-fun and out-of-town trips when they're working overtime. *heavy sigh*

It's been hard since I left EEE. Sure, the subjects were lighter and the teachers were nicer. But I had lunch, all by myself. I laughed by myself over small things that my friends would probably find funny. I walk around the campus by myself. I rarely talk in class because I hardly know anyone. I study all by myself. All by myself.. maybe I should sing that song right now. *sweatdrop*

During those times, I just go to EEE and find comfort that my friends are all there. But now, what do I do? When they're all gone and I'm alone in that cold school. Sure I know a few people here and there, but they just can't fill that empty hole. I feel like when my friends leave, they take away a part of me. So I don't feel like a whole person without them. (Of course I have other friends from HS and orgs, but it's not the same.)

Please don't get me wrong. I'm really happy they're reaching their dreams and graduating. Truly happy for them. I only feel sorry for myself because I messed up.

Things are changing. And I cannot bring back time or stop change. I can only adapt to whatever happens. I just hope it's a lot easier to adjust and adapt. To be able to keep our friendship alive despite the distance, work, and other stuff. We will probably find a way, right? We have to find a way to work things out!

Heh. Don't mind me. I'm just mulling over things. Probably a mood swing and I'll get over it by tomorrow. Right now, I just want to wallow in self-pity.