Gone.

I was walking down the street this afternoon, just about to go home - when it suddenly hit me. It's really happening. My friends are graduating and I am going to be left here in UP, all alone. Ivy and Nikki are Octoberians, the others just finished their board exams and this is Phin's last sem.

Gosh... it really makes one's heart feel so heavy. Just thinking about all the good times we used to share while in school. All the lunches and group study we had together. The bad things we went through.

I have to say it again. It's really happening. I'm going to be all alone in UP next year.

I feel so helpless because its my fault that this is happening to me. How many times have I wished to turn back the time and do things differently? To make things right? That way I'll be able to graduate WITH them.

Well, it's only one year, right? Wrong! It's going to be one LONG year. There will be times when I'll have no classes because of holidays and such, but they're going to have jobs. They won't be free like they used to when they were still students. I doubt they'll be free for overnights-just-for-fun and out-of-town trips when they're working overtime. *heavy sigh*

It's been hard since I left EEE. Sure, the subjects were lighter and the teachers were nicer. But I had lunch, all by myself. I laughed by myself over small things that my friends would probably find funny. I walk around the campus by myself. I rarely talk in class because I hardly know anyone. I study all by myself. All by myself.. maybe I should sing that song right now. *sweatdrop*

During those times, I just go to EEE and find comfort that my friends are all there. But now, what do I do? When they're all gone and I'm alone in that cold school. Sure I know a few people here and there, but they just can't fill that empty hole. I feel like when my friends leave, they take away a part of me. So I don't feel like a whole person without them. (Of course I have other friends from HS and orgs, but it's not the same.)

Please don't get me wrong. I'm really happy they're reaching their dreams and graduating. Truly happy for them. I only feel sorry for myself because I messed up.

Things are changing. And I cannot bring back time or stop change. I can only adapt to whatever happens. I just hope it's a lot easier to adjust and adapt. To be able to keep our friendship alive despite the distance, work, and other stuff. We will probably find a way, right? We have to find a way to work things out!

Heh. Don't mind me. I'm just mulling over things. Probably a mood swing and I'll get over it by tomorrow. Right now, I just want to wallow in self-pity.