Serves me right.

I’ve just told my mom about the incident yesterday. It was so hard to approach her last night because she just came home from buying some groceries. I wanted to tell her about it, I really wanted to. But I just couldn’t. Pride was getting in the way and I already know how she’d react. I know her too well.

Well, after a few yells that I already knew coming. I went straight to my room to gather my things. I had to pack. Yes, I’m leaving. No, I’m not running away from home. I’m leaving for the organization’s trip to Binangonan, Rizal. It’s overnight so I won’t be back home until tomorrow noon. It’s all good too. I just have to get out of the house. I don’t want those looks of “I-told-you-so” from everyone. Especially my brother. I just know he’ll be so happy teasing me about it. The thought of him making fun of me makes me want to throw up. Damn.

Mom went to my room after a few minutes of calming down. She used the “I-told-you-so” speech and went on and on about how I could have protected my things. I just kept quiet as tears were flowing in my face. I can’t help it. I feel like crying again and again. I just said that I know what I could have done, she shouldn’t bother rubbing it in. Then she left my room.

*****

I am not alright.

I want to say that I am, but I’m not. It’s so hard to force myself to smile. It’s driving me nuts. I shouldn’t be this sad, after all, it was only a wallet. A wallet, a few ID’s, ATM, a few memorable stuff, ISP cards, I can always get those. So why am I so sad? No… not really sad. I’m mad. Mad at myself for letting such a thing happen.

*****

Cry?

I’ve been doing that for the past 12 hours. Except when the time I cried myself to sleep. I can’t get it off my head! It wasn’t my fault!

Eek. Realization has come. It was my fault. I should have guarded myself from everyone. I was feeling too safe, I guess. Too safe that I thought nothing bad could happen. Well, I’m back to the real world now. It’s not safe. It’s every man for himself.

Sheesh.

What a selfish thought. Every man for himself.

Selfish? Or just practical?

Is there a difference?

*****

I’ll be leaving in a few hours! I still haven’t finished packing. I just started to get my clothes when I had the sudden urge to blog and finish reading the mush generators Chrissie and Chenks made. I feel a lot better because of it. Although one of the stories had a sad ending, I almost cried.

Listening to Jason Mraz is not helping. Maybe I should listen to Josh again.

Ooops. I realize that I’ve been posting so many rants now. I apologize to anyone who is reading it.

I’m so mad.

My wallet was stolen a while ago at the mall. I forgot that there was a sale today at SM Megamall, I thought that I’m going there just to watch X-Men 2 with Nikki, Chrissa, Ivy, Tin and her brother. After the movie, Chrissa and Nikki went home while Tin went with her brother to buy shoes. I went with Ivy to look around the mall because I wanted to buy a shirt. We’ve just finished eating at Chowking and we were already picking some clothes when the incident happened.

I was rummaging through clothes and looking for the right shirt when this lady kept on bumping on my right arm (where my bag is) while she was looking for clothes too. I was pissed at how she does that, but I just ignored it. When we went to another shop, I noticed that my bag’s zipper is open. I looked in my bag to see what’s missing and… much to my dismay… my wallet was gone. My wallet, along with my money, my ID, ATM card and more stuff… T_T

Damn bitch! I feel so tempted to use any type of power (voodoo/witchcraft) on her to get back. But I’m also thinking of the consequences. Good thing Ivy was rational enough to tell me to report the loss because I was thinking of leaving the mall as soon as possible. I reported it to the department store officer, the mall security officer and the police. I hope it doesn’t happen to me again.

*****

I feel so stupid.

How could let anyone get away with that? I’m so paranoid when I’m in crowded places and not-so crowded places and always alert. But why did I let my guard down at that time? T_T

I feel like crying again.

*****

It was so hard to fight back my tears back there. I really wanted to cry my heart out, but I couldn’t do such a thing in a public place. Anyway, while I was going home and was thinking about the incident, I just couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. ;_; I hope the other commuters didn’t notice me wiping the tears off my face.

*****

And to think I was so happy the other day because I met the OB people again. It was fun and very entertaining. ^_^

I liked the bus ride going home too! It was like a roller coaster ride. ^_~

*****

I haven’t said anything about the incident to anyone in the house. I’m kinda scared of how they will react. I’m also embarrassed to let them know that I was *stupid* enough to let my guard down because they’ve always warned me about those things.

Damn…

*****

Eek! I just realized that my ISP cards (not yet used) are in that wallet! >_<;;;; Now this makes me angrier!