School.

Somehow going back to school is very hard for me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I’d rather spend all my time in vacation. It’s just that it is going to be another adjustment period for me. I’ve failed one of my major subjects, now I have to face the consequences.

*****

I attended EEE35 (the subject I was supposed to get if I was able to pass EEE33) this morning. I was so happy to see my friends again and to see my orgmates. I felt like that I really belonged there. When class started, I got interested in what the teacher was talking about. Integration, harmonics, signals… everything! I miss integrating. I miss math. I miss calculus. I really want to take that subject. I really want to graduate on time.

I can’t express how much I regret failing that one subject where my whole career depended on! It’s just so hard for me to accept it because I lost so many privileges. I feel like a failure right now. IT’S NOT FAIR! It’s not fair at all. My whole life I’ve always been an achiever and now I’m falling apart.

I know I could have passed that subject. I just became lazy that semester. I thought nothing bad could happen to me. Now I know how wrong I was.

*****

Maybe all these things happened for a reason.

I lost my scholarship. I lost my confidence. I feel I’ve lost everything. Well, if that’s the case, I’m going to start again. Start from scratch, but no matter what happens I will finish this course. I promise.